if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again until you’ve replicated 12 whiskeys and may or may not be drunkenly slurring nonsense semi-vulcan gibberish.
it’s probably a good thing people don’t talk about Patterns of Force, otherwise they might be forced to admit to the epic amounts of homoerotic subtext in star trek
KIRK!EGGSY GETTING RECRUITED BY PIKE!HARRY, THOUGH. HARRY BASICALLY DARING EGGSY TO GIVE UP HIS DELINQUENT LIFESTYLE AND BEAT HIS FATHER’S RECORD.
EGGSY RISING TO THE CHALLENGE, BECAUSE, LET’S FACE IT, HE HAS AN ABUSIVE STEPDAD JUST LIKE KIRK DID AND THERE’S NOTHING HERE ON EARTH FOR HIM, SAVE FOR A MUM AND A BABY SISTER WHO WOULD PROBABLY BENEFIT MORE FROM A REGULAR INCOME THAN FROM EGGSY DICKING AROUND (SOMETIMES LITERALLY, WITH ACTUAL DICKS).
SO EGGSY JOINS STARFLEET. SPECIFICALLY, THE KINGSMAN DIVISION OF STARFLEET, WHICH RECRUITS PROMISING TRAINEES AND HONES THEM INTO HIGHLY SPECIALIZED OFFICERS, GROOMING THEM FOR LEADERSHIP ROLES.
BUT THAT’S NOT ALL. JUST IMAGINE:
EGGSY CHEATING ON THE KOBAYASHI MARU SIMULATION. EGGSY PISSING OFF AND/OR IMPRESSING MERLIN, THE HALF-VULCAN WHO DESIGNED THE TEST. EGGSY BECOMING BFFS WITH A SASSY BONES!ROXY.
A VENGEFUL NERO!VALENTINE ATTACKING EARTH WITH HIS BADASS PARTNER, GAZELLE. HARRY “DYING” BUT NOT REALLY. EGGSY AND ROXY AND MERLIN SAVING THE WORLD. EGGSY CELEBRATING BY GETTING LAID WITH A GREEN-SKINNED, ORION PRINCESS NAMED TILDE.
HARRY “COMING BACK TO LIFE” AND TEACHING EGGSY WHO HE REALLY BELONGS TO. COMPLETE WITH UNIFORM KINK AND BELTS AND GLOVES AND EGGSY CALLING HARRY “SIR” OR “CAPTAIN.”
FantasyBoudicca 