“No amount of Marvin Gaye will make me less cross with you.”
Hamish is far too drunk for any more words than absolutely necessary and just waves a flippant hand vaguely in Harry’s direction to signify how much he believes that statement. He turns the stereo volume dial another several notches to the right, excruciatingly loud for almost four in the morning, and begins an awful lurching sort of boogie-walk across the living room towards Harry like some horrible uncle at a wedding trying to get from the bar to the dance floor when Come On Eileen starts playing.
“Let’s get it on,” Hamish croons along, mouthing wetly at Harry’s neck in a way that might be kissing if he’d had several fewer pints and absolutely failing to make any impression on the knot in Harry’s dressing gown belt because he seems to have forgotten how his fingers work.
“Eggsy,” Harry says crossly into his phone, and gets some kind of barely-comprehensible drunken bellowed greeting in his ear, “next time you take this fool out drinking, please have some consideration for those of us who need our beauty sleep and return him before dawn.”
Hamish interrupts, helping himself to two handfuls of arse and lustily singing, “GIVING YOURSELF TO ME COULD NEVER BE WRONG!” in unison with Eggsy on the the other end of the line until Harry stabs the end call button, picks up Hamish – the small dog version, not the drunken husband – and goes back to bed in a sulk.
you know what I’m looking forward to seeing a gif of? Harry getting hit in the face with a frying pan
get panned bitch
okay, but I want this clip in the same style as that mom holding lasagna smashing into a counter back and forth with “uh huh, that’s my shit / all the girls stamp their feet like this” playing over it meme
Eggsy laughed at them. “Nope,” he said happily. They all watched Merlin yelling at the candidates while wearing a t-shirt and yoga pants.
Neon pink swirly yoga pants.
Roxy opened her mouth, and then closed it again. She tilted her head a bit and watched him pace.
All the candidates were trembling either in laughter or fear. And they were all staring at his ass as he turned to get stuff out of an equipment box.
When he bent over there was more than one whimper. And then a scream as a candidate ducked at the last minute as Merlin threw a knife.
“If ye are all done ogling my ass, I think that this has proved my point,” Merlin said. “Ye let my change in clothes, an absurd one, designed to confuse ye, actually work. A Kingsman should nae be distracted by such petty things. Go run laps.”
Harry smiled relieved. “So it was a test,” he nodded to himself.
Merlin had been coming over and heard that. “Aye it was a test.”
“So, we won’t be seeing those again?” Roxy said hopefully. Honestly they were very distracting.
“Oh hell yes, ye will. Do you nae know how comfortable these are? I’ve ordered like 7 pairs,” Merlin said. He did a quick knee bend. “I’m going to live in these.” He walked away.
Harry and Roxy stared at Eggsy in horror. “No” they said in unison.
Eggsy shrugged. “I like ‘em.” He whistled as he walked away, keeping an eye on Merlin’s ass the whole time.
Merlin was confused. This couldn’t be happening. Not here in the fucking corridor, tear tracks still staining his cheeks. Not with Eggsy’s suit torn to shreds, gash on his head slowly bleeding.
“No, Galahad. No, we’ve both just had a shock. This is the first time you’ve been out of communication for more than a few hours.” He pulled Eggsy to his feet, “you know I love you Eggsy, but no, this isn’t you. This is the adrenaline.”
Eggsy frowned, pulling out of Merlin’s grip. “No, Merlin,” he said angrily, “you don’t get to tell me what I’m fucking feeling. This isn’t fucking adrenaline.” Eggsy took a deep breath and reached for Merlin’s hand. “I came really fucking close to never coming back and I … I realized I don’t want … I don’t want there to be any question who my heart belongs to if I don’t make it back. I love you Hamish, more than anyone, more than anything. Marry me.”
Fresh tears fell from Merlin’s eyes. He reached with his free hand to cup Eggsy’s cheek, thumb wiping a stray tear. “There is no question Eggsy, I love you. More than anyone, more than anything.”
“So is that finally a yes?”
“I can’t believe you’re doing this in the fucking corridor, but yes Eggsy. I will marry you.”
Grinning, Eggsy reached with his free hand and pulled Merlin close, turning his head to kiss Merlin’s palm. “I couldn’t wait,” he shrugged, leaning up to meet Merlin’s lips. He grunted when Merlin’s fingers grazed the wound in his head. “I had to know,” he grimaced, pulling back to look Merlin in the eyes, “had to be certain, and fuck romance.”
Merlin kissed him softly on the forehead. “Let’s get you to medical love, we’ll worry about romance later.”
Eggsy dropped his head to Merlin’s chest. “More than anyone Hamish,” he whispered, “more than anything.”
Merlin squeezed him tight, whispering softly in his ear. “More than anyone Eggsy, more than anything.”
“So I know the mission was just fuck up this cock-fighting ring, but…”
“But,” Merlin prompts in his you-are-one-inch-from-being-grounded-for-a-year-young-man voice.
“But I couldn’t just leave them poor birds so I brought them home and now they’re all split up around HQ so they don’t murder each other and they’re all sad and cold and their feathers are falling out and I don’t know what to do,” Eggsy finishes all in one breath.
Merlin pinches the bridge of his nose. “Alright, calm down. Geraint keeps rescue hens, he knits little jumpers for them until their feathers come back. Let’s start there.”
Because yeah I’d take one for the team if so, but really it isn’t cute or amusing to have you breathing down my neck all the time about free entertainment nobody is forcing you to consume.
Normally I would never reblog something like this, but this is getting ridiculous.
Anon, I don’t like bottom Harry either. But do you know what I do? I regulate my own content, like an actual responsible consumer of fandom. AND I DON’T BE A DICK TO OTHER PEOPLE, which is clearly something you still need to learn.
How about instead of sending anon hate you channel that energy into writing your own fics or making your own art? Learn what the back button is for. Invest the time in this amazing thing called Tumblr Savior.
Grow the hell up and realize that not everything in fandom is about you.
For the love of god, Anon, don’t like don’t read. Just hit the back button.
kingsman fanfics about how harry survived the headshot wound: paragraphs of intense hospital care, possible brain surgeries, side affects that included the migraines and seizures, shaking hands, amnesia, sometimes harry has a cool scar or his eye is gone, causing even more side effects. you can tell this writer’s google search probably looks threatening and confusing.
kingsman: the golden circle’s version of how harry survived the headshot wound: it’s a gel with tiny machines inside and we just slapped it on harry’s face. he still lost an eye and had amnesia for a while. then he got his memories back but he sometimes still gets hallucinations. oh and his depth perception is off now. that’s it.
I think one of the funniest things Merlin has ever said in Kingsman: The Golden Circle while being held captive, is telling Agent Tequila that ‘whiskey’ shouldn’t be spelled with an ‘e’ out of pettiness and Eggsy lost his shit laughing lmao
FantasyBoudicca 