i hope we never meet again

hartwinner:

takeanotherpieceofmyhartwin:

A CRACK FIC BY YOURS TRULY

Hartwin | 2098 Words | Rated Teen for Twitter

Harry and Eggsy attend the Hart Family Reunion. They’re the two top spies at Kingsman, they should be able to handle dealing with Harry’s family for a few hours. It’ll be a breeze!

Spoiler: It is not, in fact, a breeze.

aka the fic where Eggsy looks fine as hell, Harry needs more whiskey, and Cordelia Hart is having the time of her life.

Something I didn’t know I needed???? Thank you.

When Roxy walked into the office, she hadn’t planned on catching Eggsy on his knees in front of Harry, Harry’s trousers around his ankles.

deepdarkwaters:

When Roxy walked into the office, she hadn’t planned on catching Eggsy on his knees in front of Harry, Harry’s trousers around his ankles.

But she was a spy and a lady and generally an all-round sensible, practical person who neither shocked easily nor let anything – including her boss’s penis – come between her and her job, so she cleared her throat and calmly said, “Arthur, here are the phone transcripts you requested for the Mulligan case.”

Eggsy made a muffled sound of alarm and started to take his mouth off Harry’s cock in a panic, then appeared to change his mind and shuffled into the footwell of the desk to hide from her instead.

“Thank you, Lancelot,” Harry said, devastatingly formal and polite in an attempt to mask his embarrassment, “you may leave them on my desk and I’ll comb through them this afternoon.”

“Yes, sir.” She placed the folder by his blotter and added, “Please remind Eggsy our table at Le Gavroche is booked for eight,” before leaving them to it and cracking up in horrified giggles in the corridor.

If Not Happy, Then Content

pomegranatepusher:

The sky is grey and cold, the light watery and dim, when Eggsy shows up on his doorstep, clutching Daisy to his chest like a lifeline.

“Harry,” he whispers when the door swings open. It’s the most broken the older man had ever heard him.

Harry ushers him in as fat rain drops begin to fall from the sky.

“I’m sorry,” Eggsy says miserably, hands tight around a steaming cup of tea, Daisy playing with a small plushie at his feet. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

“You’re always welcome here, dear boy.”

“Am I?”

The question slices Harry like a finely honed blade, cold and precise. It isn’t an unfair one. Since his return, there’s been a tension between he and his former protégé. Things haven’t been the same. He doubts they ever will be. Harry still isn’t cleared for active duty, and it grates on his nerves, making his snappish and impatient. Eggsy, for his part, still hasn’t managed to move past his supposed death. The boy had lost a great deal in his life; Harry suspects he’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the rug to be pulled out from beneath him once again, for Harry to be dead.

“Of course.” Harry places his hands on his knees and leans forward, meeting Eggsy’s downcast gaze. “I’m sorry that I’ve made you feel otherwise.”

“S’okay,” Eggsy says, nearly inaudible.

Harry suspects it isn’t, but says nothing.

It’s another several minutes before either man speaks. The air is thick with something, and the silence is one that Harry is hesitant to disturb. He’s beginning to think he’ll have to when something in Eggsy’s expression shifts, and it’s like a dam breaking.

“My mum,” he begins, seemingly unable to look up from his quickly cooling tea, “she was still using. I’ve tried to help her, gotten her into rehab, kept the drugs out of the house but –" Eggsy’s voice breaks and he claps a hand over his mouth.

Harry moves from his place in the armchair to Eggsy’s side on the sofa. The young man looks up in surprise when Harry’s hand comes to rest on his shoulder, but he leans into the touch, as if instinctively.

“What’s happened?” Harry asks gently.

Read More on AO3

paxdracona:

Soooo some time ago I drew merman-eggsy-in-training, with Harry and Merlin pouting brooding jealously in the background.

So yes, Eggsy passed, of course. It only made Merlin and Harry (well, mostly Harry) more prone to dramatic bouts of possessiveness. Which he does try to curb, thank you very much, just not very well most of the time. They’re slightly more chill here, but they’re watching their new addition be ogled admiringly and are only reluctantly staying put. 

Harry needs a bit more persuasion to do so but for now he’s being very good 🙂