Harry would be expected to be a doting, slightly obnoxious dog owner and you are only partially right. Harry trains Junior to respond to whistles, commands and the snap of his fingers. Harry can walk Junior without a lead, just as he did Mr Pickle the first. Junior is a well behaved dog, a trembling little thing that stays at Harry’s heel and never barks unless needed to.
But the dog is also terribly spoiled in its own way. Scraps from the table, permanently curled in Harry’s lap when he’s at home, sleeping on the other side of the bed on the spare pillow. Harry talks to Junior constantly, tells him about his day and what new butterfly he’s ordered from South America to add to his collection. Harry believes, just as much for himself as he does for Junior, that good behaviour allows for minor indulgences.
Tequila and Eggsy hooking up would be an enormous headache for everyone involved since they’re both “Merlin/Ginger is most of my impulse control”
They tried to fuck in an empty whiskey barrel and got stuck and Merlin had to pull out “two bare-ass naked spies who we have entrusted with the safety of the free world jesus feckin shite we’re all in trouble”
Eggsy’s wearing his dress uniform because he was a marine and of course he would want to wear it.
Harry is wearing a pink waistcoat because this is Harry we’re talking about of course he is.
I want this and I will keep this theory alive till the day the movie is there. Someone needs to draw them in those outfits on their wedding day. Or make a short story. Give me material.
“Harry, that is truly hideous.” Merlin rubbed his temples. “I thought I was so lucky when I dissuaded Eggsy from wearing that awful orange tux, but now you have to wear a Pepto-Bismol waistcoat, of all things.”
Before Harry could protest, Roxy stepped in: “It’s his wedding day.” She rolled her eyes, giving Harry a supportive smile. “Let him wear what he wants. Besides, Eggsy would marry Harry in a chicken costume if that was what made them happy.”
“I draw the line at dressing up as an animal,” Eggsy declared, walking into the room in a full military dress. He then whistled, looking Harry up and down. “Very nice.”
“Eggsy, you are not supposed to see groom before the ceremony! It’s bad luck! Can’t you spend twenty-four hours apart?” Merlin groused.
The couple looked at each other, amused. “No,” they both said in unison.
Merlin threw up his hands. “If your ceremony is interrupted by another villainous attack, don’t come crying to me!” Closing his eyes, Merlin sighed, “Now if you excuse me, I need to check to see if Jack has stopped that infuriating American agent from taking another bite out of the wedding cake.”
“Don’t worry about him; weddings made Merlin a bit tetchy,” Harry told them, once the quartermaster had stormed off, kilt swinging angrily behind him. “This hullabaloo is quite different from his wedding.”
Eggsy and Roxy’s jaws dropped. “Merlin’s married?” Eggsy exclaimed.
“To whom?” Roxy demanded.
“Oh, you’ll see,” Harry said, with a mysterious smile. “If Merlin gets enough alcohol in him, he’ll be waltzing across the floor with him.”
“Him?” Eggsy asked. “I assumed he…I dunno, Merlin and Ginger…”
“Oh, no, they can’t stand each other,” Harry said, clearly enjoying himself. “I remember back in 1992 – “
Suddenly, there was a burst of swearing and Jack shouting, “Someone get that dog!,” along with what sounded like several trumpets being trampled and wings flapping. “The doves!” they heard Merlin groan. “Fuck!”
“I better see what this is all about,” Roxy said, amused, then glanced over at both of them as she stepped out of the room. “Why don’t you two…practice your vows or something?”
“Rox, you’re the guv’nor,” Eggsy declared, and Roxy gave him a quick wink before hurrying out.
He then turned to Harry, cheeks turning a slow, steady pink when he caught Harry’s gaze. “What?” Eggsy asked.
“True. But today…” Harry stepped forward, putting both hands on Eggsy’s forearms and taking in the whole effect. The uniform emphasized Eggsy’s broad shoulders and lean muscles, but it wasn’t bespoke, according to his tailor’s eye. Harry could see it had been altered. “Where is this uniform from?”
“It’s my dad’s,” Eggsy said. “Mum said he got married in this, too, and we thought…oh, no, Harry, don’t go apologizing now.”
Harry let out a shuddering sigh, drawing back. “Your mother isn’t thrilled about this whole thing, is she?”
“Well, she hadn’t exactly pictured my wedding like this at all,” Eggsy admitted. “But she’s not going to stand up and yell I object! during the ceremony, especially since she’s walking me down the aisle. She just wants to see me happy.” He placed a hand on Harry’s cheek, smiling like he hadn’t in months. “Harry, you have no idea how happy I am to have you in my life, and – “
“It’s time!” Roxy exclaimed, looking a bit flustered as she threw open the door. “Come on, Eggsy, you got to get to your mum, and Harry’s got to get up on the altar before everyone thinks you’re running late again. Come on!”
Harry took Eggsy’s hands in his and squeezed. “I love you.”
Eggsy kissed him. “I do, too. Now, let’s get married.”
The words finally make Harry look up from his paperwork and he frowns in confusion at the young man sitting across from him in his office. “You killed him?” It’s not really polite to interrupt, but he cannot see how the story Eggsy was telling him could devolve into such violence. “Wait, what? Literally?”
Eggsy rolls his eyes, but he seems more fond than irritated.
“Of course not. ‘Was just checking if you were still listening. Apparently not.” Harry grimaces at what should be a reproach, but before he can apologize for his inattention, Eggsy waves him off. “Nah luv, it’s fine. Paperwork is a bitch, I get it. But you should tell me when I’m being a bother.”
“Never! That is to say, you’re never a bother my dear.” Eggsy looks doubtful at that, so Harry reaches across the desk to take his hand in his. “I’m serious Eggsy. I know it’s unfair to you, but I’d rather have you talk at me than to miss any moment we could be together.”
Eggsy blushes happily at that and links their fingers together.
“How about I sing to you instead?”
It’s not an offer Harry expected, but he would be a fool not to accept it.
Daisy shrugged out of the jacket whose sleeves barely reached her wrists. “Maybe,” she says primly, “but I’m growing. Harry says I’ll be as tall as you soon.”
Eggsy presses a hand over his heart with an exaggerated pout. “Now that ain’t fair; who said you was allowed to grow up on us?”
“Ah! This time Unwin, I’ve got you and not even Professor Hart can save you!”
Eggsy bites his lip in order not to swear, hoping that somehow, he’ll find a convincing lie to tell Charlie. It’s doubtful of course, especially considering Charlie hates him and has been trying to get him expelled since day one, but so far he’s been lucky. Mostly because Professor Hart is looking after him as a favor to his dead father and, he hopes, out of friendship too.
Unfortunately, Professor Hart isn’t here right now and even if he was, there is very little he could do if Charlie finds the kitten he’s been hiding in his room. The rules at the dorms are very strict after all and Chester King, the dean, would only be all too happy to send him packing.
“Any pets in the dorm are prohibited and-”
“Meow~ … Oh hey Charlie! Hey Eggsy!” Roxy, his best mate and dorm neighbour gets out of her room, leaning against the door-frame casually. “What up?”
Charlie, who had looked so victorious not a second ago, now seems a bit uncertain. “Did you… Did you just meowed?”
She looks a bit embarrassed, right before tilting her chin up, as if daring him to say anything. “Yeah, I’ve been doing it for the past hour. It’s for a drama class.”
Charlie narrows his eyes at her with suspicion, but he must remember just who exactly her fathers are because he grunts angrily before storming off, leaving Eggsy alone to stare at Roxy with adoration.
“I can’t believe that worked!”
“I can’t believe it did either! What an idiot!” She starts chuckling and soon, they’re both laughing like lunatics, the wall the only thing holding them up. It’s a long time before they calm down again, garnering them quite a few funny looks from their other neighbours as they come and go in the hallway, but really, neither of them gives a fuck.
“Wanna see the kitty?” Eggsy asks finally, between uncontrollable giggles, having to fight another burst of laughter when Roxy nods enthusiastically, looking like a kid on Christmas morning.
When a random stranger stops her in the middle of the Ikea, Tilde’s first thought is that she’s been found out and she needs to call her security team swiftly.
Her second thought is that this stranger is very handsome even if he looks close to having a panic attack.
“Miss, can you help me please? I can’t find my little sister!”
She had been about to quickly apologize and tell him she wasn’t part of the staff, but he looks so desperate that she finds herself nodding.
“What does she look like?”
“She’s four, about that high,” he waves his hand about mid-thighs,” dirty blonde hair, in a blue dress… Usually she doesn’t wander off on her own, I don’t know why she did it!”
As he seems to be really working himself up into a panic attack, she takes his hand between hers, the contact just enough of a shock that the words at least stop tumbling out of his mouth.
“We’ll find her, come on,” he gives her a shaky smile in answer and she finds herself lacing their fingers together before tugging him along in a random direction. She hopes to find one of the clerks, but of course none of them seem to be around at the moment.
They get through the kitchen displays and then the living room, but without any success. She can feel his grip tightening every step they take and she finds that she doesn’t mind. She just wished she could reassure him, but she knows better than to tell him not to worry. She doesn’t even know the little girl and already she is forcing herself not to think of the worst scenarios.
Thankfully, when they make it to the kid rooms display, she spots a little girl in a blue dress and she barely has time to point her out to her companion that he has crossed the distance between them and has the little girl in his arms.
“Daisy! Oh my god, Daisy!” He doesn’t seem able to say anything more than this, and he closes his eyes, his face laxed with relief as he buries his nose into her hair. The little girl, Daisy apparently, seems absolutely nonplussed for a moment, until she returns the hug with a giggle. It’s probably the cutest thing Tilde has ever seen. “Don’t ever do that again Daisy. You cannot just run off like that!”
“But Eggsy… Teddy!” She flaps the plus toy up and down, hitting her brother with it, but he barely seems to notice.
“No Daisy, even if you see a Teddy,” he’s looking at her sternly and Tilde see the moment the little girl understands just how important this is. “When we’re out, you stick with me and if you want to see something you tell me and then we’ll go together, okay?”
“Okay,” she nods, even if she looks slightly upset now, probably reaction to whatever lingering distress her brother is feeling. He notices at once and just hold her closer, kissing her temple when she hides her face in his shoulder.
That’s about when he remembers he wasn’t alone in looking for her and he smiles sheepishly as he walks back toward Tilde.
“Thank you so much-?”
“Tilde.”
“- Tilde. Seriously, just thank you.”
“I’m just glad she’s okay.” She smiles warmly, because she really is. For some reason, it seems to shock Eggsy and he blushes suddenly after giving her a quick once over, as if only now realising what she looks like.
Others might have minded, but she had been checking him out too and very much liked what she was seeing.
“Will you let me buy you ice cream? As a thank you?”
Before she can answer, Daisy pushes away from Eggsy with a happy cry at the suggestion and Tilde can only laugh at her enthusiasm. She doesn’t let Eggsy think it’s a rejection however, simply links her arm in his as she waits for him to lead the way.
He’s frozen for a moment, before grinning and giving her a wink.
“No amount of Marvin Gaye will make me less cross with you.”
Hamish is far too drunk for any more words than absolutely necessary and just waves a flippant hand vaguely in Harry’s direction to signify how much he believes that statement. He turns the stereo volume dial another several notches to the right, excruciatingly loud for almost four in the morning, and begins an awful lurching sort of boogie-walk across the living room towards Harry like some horrible uncle at a wedding trying to get from the bar to the dance floor when Come On Eileen starts playing.
“Let’s get it on,” Hamish croons along, mouthing wetly at Harry’s neck in a way that might be kissing if he’d had several fewer pints and absolutely failing to make any impression on the knot in Harry’s dressing gown belt because he seems to have forgotten how his fingers work.
“Eggsy,” Harry says crossly into his phone, and gets some kind of barely-comprehensible drunken bellowed greeting in his ear, “next time you take this fool out drinking, please have some consideration for those of us who need our beauty sleep and return him before dawn.”
Hamish interrupts, helping himself to two handfuls of arse and lustily singing, “GIVING YOURSELF TO ME COULD NEVER BE WRONG!” in unison with Eggsy on the the other end of the line until Harry stabs the end call button, picks up Hamish – the small dog version, not the drunken husband – and goes back to bed in a sulk.
Eggsy laughed at them. “Nope,” he said happily. They all watched Merlin yelling at the candidates while wearing a t-shirt and yoga pants.
Neon pink swirly yoga pants.
Roxy opened her mouth, and then closed it again. She tilted her head a bit and watched him pace.
All the candidates were trembling either in laughter or fear. And they were all staring at his ass as he turned to get stuff out of an equipment box.
When he bent over there was more than one whimper. And then a scream as a candidate ducked at the last minute as Merlin threw a knife.
“If ye are all done ogling my ass, I think that this has proved my point,” Merlin said. “Ye let my change in clothes, an absurd one, designed to confuse ye, actually work. A Kingsman should nae be distracted by such petty things. Go run laps.”
Harry smiled relieved. “So it was a test,” he nodded to himself.
Merlin had been coming over and heard that. “Aye it was a test.”
“So, we won’t be seeing those again?” Roxy said hopefully. Honestly they were very distracting.
“Oh hell yes, ye will. Do you nae know how comfortable these are? I’ve ordered like 7 pairs,” Merlin said. He did a quick knee bend. “I’m going to live in these.” He walked away.
Harry and Roxy stared at Eggsy in horror. “No” they said in unison.
Eggsy shrugged. “I like ‘em.” He whistled as he walked away, keeping an eye on Merlin’s ass the whole time.
FantasyBoudicca 