whoever timed the film to the music is fucking brilliant this is gorgeous and oh my god i know they’re made of a lot of fat/blubber but this gave me like seven heart attacks
Clumsy pillows
I’ve pulled my tshirt up over my face to try and hide the fact that I am crying with laughter on the coach full of people.
These kinds of responses are my FAVORITE. Some examples to answers to this question I have heard:
1.
“Okay, and who’s the president?”
“Obama, no wait, shit *vehemently* fuck, I hate him… what’s his name…”
“It’s okay, you know who he is.”
2.
“Who’s the president?”
“*drunkenly angry and confused* ..uhhhhhhh…Orange… damn it what’s the fuck’s name….
“Yup, good enough.”
3.
“And who’s the president,”
“Not fuckin’ Obama!”
“I feel ya.”
4.
“Who’s the president- wait, nevermind you’re from Korea you said, right? So who’s-“
“Everybody knows that Trump-bitch.”
“Oh, well, alright then.”
5. (My personal favorite)
“Who’s the president?”
“Ew.”
“Good enough.”
My roommate is a neurologist and has to do this check all the time. Her all-time favorite so far has been “ay dios mio” during which the woman was vigorously crossing herself.
Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.
I have been waiting for this post all my life.
They are indeed purple, But one thing you’ve missed: The concept of “purple” Didn’t always exist.
Some cultures lack names For a color, you see. Hence good old Homer And his “wine-dark sea.”
A usage so quaint, A phrasing so old, For verses of romance Is sheer fucking gold.
So roses are red. Violets once were called blue. I’m hugely pedantic But what else is new?
My friend you’re not wrong
About Homer’s wine-ey sea!
Colours are a matter
Of cultural contingency;
Words are in flux
And meanings they drift
But the word purple
You’ve given short shrift.
The concept of purple,
My friends, is old
And refers to a pigment
once precious as gold.
By crushing up molluscs
From the wine-dark sea
You make a dye:
Imperial decree
Meant that in Rome,
to wear purpura
was a privilege reserved
For only the emperor!
The word ‘purple’,
for clothes so fancy,
Entered English
By the ninth century
.
Why then are voilets
Not purple in song?
The dye from this mollusc,
known for so long
Is almost magenta;
More red than blue.
The concept of purple
is old, and yet new.
The dye is red,
So this might be true:
Roses are purple
And violets are blue
.
While this song makes me merry, Tyrian purple dyes many a hue From magenta to berry And a true purple too.
But fun as it is to watch this poetic race The answer is staring you right in the face: Roses are red and violets are blue Because nothing fucking rhymes with purple.
I love Alexander the Great because if he was a fictional character you would yell “THAT’S JUST NOT REALISTIC WTF MAN YOU CAN’T WIN A BATTLE AFTER BEING ATTACKED FROM BEHIND AND HAVE TO WHEEL YOUR WHOLE FUCKIN ARMY AND FIGHT YOUR WAY ACROSS A RIVER AND UPHILL AGAINST A LARGER ARMY"
But
“Look conquering an island by making it not an island any more is ridiculous that’s never going to be believable.”
But
He just fuckin did that shit.
I actually got the inspiration for the protagonist of Lady of Ice and Iron from him, and when/if it’s ever published and people inevitably yell “YOUR PROTAGONIST IS JUST NOT REALISTIC” I’m just going to make unblinking eye contact while folding a printout of Alexander’s troop movements at Gaugamela into a paper airplane and then lob it at their face.
And if they give me shit for her being queer, I’m going to print out historical accounts of Alexander’s lover Hephaestion, tape them to Nerf darts, and shoot them at people.
Wait he un-islanded an island?
Tyre is now an isthmus. Before Alexander, it was an island.
He offered to let them surrender peacefully. They told him to get fucked, secure in their place on a fucking island in a fortified city.
“Fine.” Said Alexander, cracking his knuckles. “Get me my engineers, we’re building the land out to this island.”
“Holy shit”, his generals presumably said. “Holy fuckin shit, man.”
And so, at Alexander’s command, his engineers constructed a causeway to connect the island of Tyre to the mainland. It took eight months. Tyre hurled everything they could against the workers, so Alexander rolled siege engines out there to protect them.
Anyway, long story short, the causeway was completed, Tyre fell and was burned and sacked (unusually, as Alexander normally did not allow his army to pillage and plunder and destroy, but he was, apparently, mega peeved).
And the causeway stands to this day. Tyre remains an isthmus.
[Further proof to verify you guys’ info]
Ancient History Encyclopedia says:
“
Negotiations having failed, Alexander began his operations in January 332 BCE. After occupying old Tyre, he began to construct a causeway (or mole) across the channel toward the walls of Tyre, using rocks, timbers, and rubble taken from the buildings of the old city. Initially, work progressed well: the water near the mainland was shallow and the bottom muddy, but, as the causeway lengthened, the Macedonians and Greeks began to run into trouble. The seafloor shelved sharply near the city, to a depth of 18 ft (5.5m). Work slowed to snail-pace, and the work gangs found themselves increasingly harassed by missile fire from the city walls.
Alexander constructed two siege towers from timber covered with rawhide and positioned them at the end of the causeway. Artillery engines at the top of these towers were able to return fire at the walls, and the work gangs erected timber palisades as an added measure of protection. Work proceeded, and Alexander spent much of his time on the mole, dispensing small gifts of money to his sweating labourers and leading by personal example.”
hmmm so i feel like eggsy might be pretty good at the whole not-swearing thing around daisy because he’s been training himself not to swear around her for years and he’s gotten pretty good at it to the point where it’s just automatic that whenever a Little One is around he doesn’t say anything bad
but harry
harry has never needed this kind of restraint and kingsman agents have mouths like sailors so spending time with daisy is a disaster
at first there’s a swear jar
then there’s a swear bucket
then eggsy figures out he’s just gonna end up with all of harry’s money if they keep on that way, so he starts working on other tactics, all “just say something that sounds like swearing, but isn’t”
which works like a charm except harry keeps censoring the wrong words
“stunt of a bitch!” “harry, no”
“brotherfucker” “that’s not better”
“asshat” “you didn’t even try”
and all these failed attempts are catching daisy’s ear, of course, she just picks right up on all the words she’s not supposed to say and you should have seen the look on michelle’s face the first time daisy gleefully yells “fuck you!” after visiting big brother and uncle harry
LOOK MERLIN’D BE SHOOKTH but roxy’s calm analysis of what she just saw like hamish stop fretting did you see how his tongue was so far down arthur’s throat it could probably never see the light of day again unlike that peck he gave you and an almost cat-dying sound when his lips touched the corner of mine. they be fucking i tell you.
Fun fact: According to Greek legend there was a famous prostitute who managed to avoid a death sentence by showing the judges her boobs and arguing that it would be a crime against the Gods to destroy something so beautiful.
Before you ask, yes there are paintings of this. And yes, they’re amazing.
No, but this is one of my absolute favorite bits of history!
The courtesan named was named Phryne and she was indeed a renowned beauty, and was indeed was put on trial for a capital crime. And yes, the sum of her defense consisted of her stripping in court (helped by her lover/defendant) and asking the jury (all males) if they were prepared to destroy this.
But this is actually a very interesting case of Values Dissonance – the capital crime she was accused of was blasphemy. In Ancient Greek society, exceptional beauty was a sign of favor from the gods, and they took the idea that beauty indicated goodness with great seriousness. They even called their nobles Kaloi k’Agathoi, “the Beautiful and the Good.”
So by showing off her great physical beauty, Phryne was being very clever indeed, her argument essentially being “How could I possibly commit blasphemy if the gods have given me this body?“
FantasyBoudicca 