please if you do anything useful in your life, don’t scroll past this
watch it
PLEASE
tchaikovsky is proud
In case anyone is baffled by this, there’s a Tchaikovsky piece in which there’s supposed to be a loud sound but he never specified what you should use to make that sound. People have done all kinds of weird shit depending on how they think the sound should, well, sound. Hitting a large piece of wood with a sledgehammer is a relatively conventional one.
There are a lot of absolute idiots in the comments saying things like “a good dog will never hurt a baby” and “the child is never to blame if the dog attacks” and “special snowflakes call everything abuse”
Listen here you fucktards: dogs. Are not. Fucking. People. They don’t operate by human logic. They don’t follow human moral codes. It has nothing to do with it being a “good dog“ or not. If you were getting hit and pulled on and punched and scratched constantly, you just might react. A dog can’t speak up and say “hey please stop that you’re hurting me“. What he can do is move, lunge, bite, etc. These actions might intentionally or unintentionally harm your child. Use your fucking head and don’t let your kid beat up on your dog no matter how many times he’s “taken it” before; you never know when he might snap. Don’t teach your kids it’s OK to treat animals like punching bags and they’ll never react. That’s immensely unfair to both the animal and the child. You could have a hurt or dead child and a euthanized dog because you were fucking dumbass who thought the dogs were just there to be treated like toys.
Same goes for cats and any other pet. Teach your child how to properly treat animals or don’t have any fucking animals.
look if a person is constantly hurting me i’m gonna snap back at them. don’t expect animals not to do the same.
In addition to this, don’t teach your dog not to growl, snarl, or do anything else “aggressive-looking.” Those are the only way a dog has to warn someone before biting them. They are a way to tell a person to stop, before needing to escalate to biting. Punishing a dog for giving those warnings will, in fact, successfully teach him not to give those warnings. But that creates a much more dangerous dog, in the sense that he will no longer give any warning signs before biting, and instead bite seemingly “out of nowhere.” If your dog growls at you or your kid when you’re invading his space, back the fuck off.
And for the love of god please learn to read some basic animal body language so you actually know how your pet feels about what’s going on around him.
Is it true that Mexico fans created a fucking artificial earthquake in Mexico City because they were celebrating the goal against Germany jumping so much? ajdkhdjhksd I C O N I C
IF EVERYONE ON EARTH JUMPED AT THE SAME TIME WOULD IT CAUSE AN EARTHQUAKE THIS IS ONE OF MY CHILDHOOD QUESTIONS ANSWERED THANKS MEXICO
everyone so busy arguing abt how to conjugate “yeet” in german while completely ignoring the fact that the very concept simply cannot exist in germany. if a bitch empty… you take her to the pfandautomat
I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.
I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”
when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”
One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”
One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”
She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.
Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed
Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.
i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy – ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it
but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”
as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”
there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”
the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”
one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.”
we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”
I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.
Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.
Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.
I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”
i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.
I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”
Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with “gladly” or “my pleasure”, I die completely 1000% inside
I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying “Robert” I hollered “Name and donor number!?” into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.
In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said, “okay, that’ll be $5.46!” I cheerfully responded, “Do you have a Borders rewards card?”
I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog “Sir” when I was mad at him.
My first job was at my nearest Panera, and after coming home from a ten-hour Sunday morning shift, I was exhausted; but when my mom called me to come downstairs, instead of replying in the grumpy teenagerish tone I usually would, I said in my cheeriest, fakest voice, “Not a problem at all, let me just check with my manager!” before realizing my mistake.
my coworker went to back up the cash registers one time and she had been at customer service right before. when we finish with a customer we have to sometimes get the attention of the next person and will shout “i can get the next person in line!” but instead of saying that she yelled “HI WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH” to everyone in the general area
I have told my dog “no thank you” so many times after working at a preschool
a couple of times i’ve gotten stuck in a hello how are you good how are you good how are you loop with an equally tired Fred Meyer’s cashier after a long shift but the best time was after a 10 to 10 post-holidays after they told me my total, I asked if they would like a bag today and after a confused few seconds they were like, “no… I have the bags”
Worked in a gallery where we asked people to take off their backpacks in order not to accidentally damage paintings. So when I went to the shop later and saw a guy in the line in front of me, I told him he had to remove his backpack. He probably thought I was politely trying to rob him.
Worked in a traditional medicine shop for my friend’s Mandarin-speaking parents, and Mandarin is my second language. I accidentally swore at my boss while asking how much ingredients to pack because the words ‘how many hundred (grams)’, 几百 ji3 bai3, sound very close to the word ‘pussy’, 鸡白 ji1 bai2. My bosses and friend made fun of me for weeks.
Had a dream I was playing an indie game about a 1950’s housewife trying to kill her husband.
The objective of the game was to kill him without A) alerting the husband, B) getting caught by your busybody neighbor, or C) accidentally killing your kids/have them walk in on you murdering their dad.
The first level was that you had to slip poison into his food or drink, since that was subtle and easy enough. But I think as the levels progressed, the murder attempts got more…gruesome and difficult to hide. I remember using garden sheers at one point.
And the game had a 1950s advert style to it, kind of how Bendy and the Ink Machine is stylized
^ kind of like that
Anyway I’m calling it Desperate Housewife and if anyone wants to actually make that game gimme some credit lmao
FantasyBoudicca 