goddammit-lucio:

Some thoughts about Asra

• This started at a simple angst post but kind of turned into a minific ish type thing at the end??? Whoops.

Asra said all that was left of you was ash and bone right?? But how did he r e a l l y know that it was you??? It could’ve been anyone. I image that they dumped all the ashes and bones together because they just ran out of room.

So, let’s imagine for a moment, Asra digging through ashes and bones until his fingers bleed and sobbing his eyes out, not even knowing if any of those are actually you. Until he sees a glint of gold in the ashes, that is.

I don’t remember the significance of the necklace you give to Asra as a favor before the fight, if it has any of all. For my apprentice though, it’s something that she wore all the time in her past. She’s never seen without it.

So now, let’s apply that to the mc in general. Let’s think about Asra seeing that gold in the ash and rushing over to it, pulling it out and seeing the necklace that you always have on. So now, he knows that it’s you and he just sits there in silence with tears streaming down his cheeks as he realizes that you’re really dead. You’re dead and his last conversation with you was an argument before he left. He left you behind to die all alone while he ran away. Selfish, he calls himself.

He takes your ashes in his shaking hands along with the necklace. This is all that’s left of you. His chest is tight and he sobs even harder now as he lets out an ear splitting scream. He frantically digs and digs and digs. Refusing to acknowledge that you’re dead even though he knows that you’re gone and there’s nothing he can do about it.

He stays in the same spot for days afterwards. He doesn’t eat, doesn’t sleep, he’s just numb. He doesn’t leave until he’s dragged away and forced out of the Lazaret. But when he gets back, he’s not the same.

He shuts himself away in the shop for weeks. He hugs your clothes when he goes to sleep at night because they still smell like you so he can at least pretend that you’re still there. 

He nearly has a panic attack when your scent fades from the shop.

He also isn’t able to sleep much during those 3 years you’re gone. He constantly has nightmares about you. Sometimes he watches you burn in the furnace, sometimes he’s back at the Lazaret, ankle-deep in your ashes, and sometimes he sees you. In these dreams, he calls out for you, screaming your name until his throat is raw. But even then, you can’t seem to hear him. The end of each dream is the same, though. It’s your voice ringing loud and clear.

“Why did you leave me to die, Asra?”

He wakes up with tears streaming down his face and Faust looking at him in concern as his heart beats painfully fast in his chest.

He doesn’t think he’ll be getting back to sleep anytime soon.