hartwinorlose:

hmmm so i feel like eggsy might be pretty good at the whole not-swearing thing around daisy because he’s been training himself not to swear around her for years and he’s gotten pretty good at it to the point where it’s just automatic that whenever a Little One is around he doesn’t say anything bad

but harry

harry has never needed this kind of restraint and kingsman agents have mouths like sailors so spending time with daisy is a disaster

at first there’s a swear jar

then there’s a swear bucket

then eggsy figures out he’s just gonna end up with all of harry’s money if they keep on that way, so he starts working on other tactics, all “just say something that sounds like swearing, but isn’t”

which works like a charm except harry keeps censoring the wrong words

“stunt of a bitch!” “harry, no”

“brotherfucker” “that’s not better”

“asshat” “you didn’t even try”

and all these failed attempts are catching daisy’s ear, of course, she just picks right up on all the words she’s not supposed to say and you should have seen the look on michelle’s face the first time daisy gleefully yells “fuck you!” after visiting big brother and uncle harry